Winning the War Against Yourself
Winning the War Against Yourself
Virtue vs Vices
A few friends have called me recently in crisis over the life-altering consequences of their struggles with addiction. People don’t actively seek to destroy their own lives, but our passivity and blatant disregard towards our destructive habits allow chaos to make a mess of everything we care about.
Whether you are struggling with addiction or not, we all have bad habits that get in the way of the best version of ourselves. If you desire to enrich your relationships, grow personally, or optimize your professional performance you must acknowledge the war, identify the enemy, and create the battle plan.
Things are not innately evil or destructive, it is the motive of the heart to commit evil with objects. Sugar and alcohol are not evil but ingesting too much will lead to poisoning or disease. Money is not evil, but it is greed the motivates someone to abuse another human being for profit. Socially media is not evil but I think you get the point. We have the power to use things for evil or for good but we cannot blame the existence of weapons for murder when we have harbingers of violence. The war is between virtue and destruction. Now that we know what the war is, we need to identify the enemy.
Now that we know the war is between Virtue and Destruction, we must not look outward and pass the blame over all of humanity or society. While society may profit from our destructive habits and entice us to indulge them, they don’t force our hand. We must accept that we pull the trigger, we eat the extra slice, we tell the lie, we push the needle, and make the choice, often without thinking. The war we are fighting is against ourselves, our virtue and malevolence.
Virtue is the ability to exercise self control with things you know you shouldn’t do, and the discipline to do the things you know you should do.
Malevolence is wantonly giving into to every hedonistic tendency without regard to the consequences on yourself or others.
While there may be things that are out of your control, you must take responsibility over what you can control and begin to make changes in that area before you try to improve the external circumstances.
We cannot create a battle plan without turning to Sun Tzu’s Art of War:
“Every battle is won before it is ever fought.”
I like the way Christopher Morley put it:
“Wars are won in the mind before they can be won on the field.”
We can’t expect to win a battle we are not prepared for; therefore, we must plan.
You must identify you weakness(es). This is different for everyone but you should know where you tend to lose the battle. For some it is in the pantry, for others it’s on the internet, while others lose the battle on the streets. Wherever it may be you must acknowledge your vulnerability so you know how to defend and protect yourself. Know the places and people you need to avoid or limit contact with because they are allied with the enemy, the worst part of yourself.
There are many people who will not indulge their vices while others are around but fall short when they are alone. You cannot depend on others to be strong for you because they won’t always be around. You must fight the battle first in your own mind and solitude before you can expect to be truly free. Studies have shown that people with a substance abuse problem felt a strong sense of overcoming when they were able to flush the pills, powder, or drink down the toilet. It time to come face to face with the enemy and tell them “NO!”. Speak it out loud and tell yourself you will no longer partake. Speak a positive affirmation over the person you will be moving forward and repeat it everyday until it becomes true. By doing so you will trigger your Reticular Activating System (RAS) which will validate what you speak with the actions you commit to those affirmations.
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” — Ben Franklin
Once you have regained your self-control, it is time to develop replacement behaviors to make your more disciplined. While they aren’t the same, self-control and discipline work best in tandem. Eating Healthy requires self-control and exercise requires discipline, but you need both to optimize your personal fitness. Find a new productive habit to make into a discipline, a new skill, a new job, or hobby, or community service that will fill your cup and benefit.
“The devil temps all other men, but idle men tempt the devil.” — Turkish Proverb
Don’t allow yourself to be idle. Always look for something productive and virtuous, then everything in your life will improve as a result.
“A return to first principles in a republic is sometimes caused by the simple virtues of one man. His good example has such an influence that the good men strive to imitate him, and the wicked are ashamed to lead a life so contrary to his example.” — Niccolo Machiavelli
Whether you are struggling with addiction or not, we all have bad habits that get in the way of the best version of ourselves. If you desire to enrich your relationships, grow personally, or optimize your professional performance you must acknowledge the war, identify the enemy, and create the battle plan.
1. The War
Things are not innately evil or destructive, it is the motive of the heart to commit evil with objects. Sugar and alcohol are not evil but ingesting too much will lead to poisoning or disease. Money is not evil, but it is greed the motivates someone to abuse another human being for profit. Socially media is not evil but I think you get the point. We have the power to use things for evil or for good but we cannot blame the existence of weapons for murder when we have harbingers of violence. The war is between virtue and destruction. Now that we know what the war is, we need to identify the enemy.
2. The Enemy
Now that we know the war is between Virtue and Destruction, we must not look outward and pass the blame over all of humanity or society. While society may profit from our destructive habits and entice us to indulge them, they don’t force our hand. We must accept that we pull the trigger, we eat the extra slice, we tell the lie, we push the needle, and make the choice, often without thinking. The war we are fighting is against ourselves, our virtue and malevolence.
Virtue is the ability to exercise self control with things you know you shouldn’t do, and the discipline to do the things you know you should do.
Malevolence is wantonly giving into to every hedonistic tendency without regard to the consequences on yourself or others.
While there may be things that are out of your control, you must take responsibility over what you can control and begin to make changes in that area before you try to improve the external circumstances.
3. The Battle Plan
We cannot create a battle plan without turning to Sun Tzu’s Art of War:
“Every battle is won before it is ever fought.”
I like the way Christopher Morley put it:
“Wars are won in the mind before they can be won on the field.”
We can’t expect to win a battle we are not prepared for; therefore, we must plan.
First:
You must identify you weakness(es). This is different for everyone but you should know where you tend to lose the battle. For some it is in the pantry, for others it’s on the internet, while others lose the battle on the streets. Wherever it may be you must acknowledge your vulnerability so you know how to defend and protect yourself. Know the places and people you need to avoid or limit contact with because they are allied with the enemy, the worst part of yourself.
Second:
There are many people who will not indulge their vices while others are around but fall short when they are alone. You cannot depend on others to be strong for you because they won’t always be around. You must fight the battle first in your own mind and solitude before you can expect to be truly free. Studies have shown that people with a substance abuse problem felt a strong sense of overcoming when they were able to flush the pills, powder, or drink down the toilet. It time to come face to face with the enemy and tell them “NO!”. Speak it out loud and tell yourself you will no longer partake. Speak a positive affirmation over the person you will be moving forward and repeat it everyday until it becomes true. By doing so you will trigger your Reticular Activating System (RAS) which will validate what you speak with the actions you commit to those affirmations.
Third:
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” — Ben Franklin
Once you have regained your self-control, it is time to develop replacement behaviors to make your more disciplined. While they aren’t the same, self-control and discipline work best in tandem. Eating Healthy requires self-control and exercise requires discipline, but you need both to optimize your personal fitness. Find a new productive habit to make into a discipline, a new skill, a new job, or hobby, or community service that will fill your cup and benefit.
“The devil temps all other men, but idle men tempt the devil.” — Turkish Proverb
Don’t allow yourself to be idle. Always look for something productive and virtuous, then everything in your life will improve as a result.
“A return to first principles in a republic is sometimes caused by the simple virtues of one man. His good example has such an influence that the good men strive to imitate him, and the wicked are ashamed to lead a life so contrary to his example.” — Niccolo Machiavelli
